[Haunt Review] Wells Township Haunted House - Down the Rabbit Hole into a Bizarre Funhouse of Fear

We had no idea, none at all. This attraction is completely over the top and has so much innovation going on that it's impossible to try and sift through it all. From when we pulled up, to the moment that we left, Wells Township floored us. It's part metal festival, part haunt mixed with a fun house, and just chaos all around. Words, I dunno if they can do this one justice.

Not only is there the haunt proper itself, which is a psychotic love letter to horror housed in a 150+ year old building with it's own history, but also the Zombie Challenge. A full contact, twisted version of keep away, flag football style. The two combined make for a crazy, insane, and just awesome night.

They also have an awesome system in place for those waiting too. After you get your tickets, you're given a number for your group and then get to hang out until it's called. All while listening to live bands, grabbing something to eat, and just enjoying the chaos of what's going on around you. Beats standing in some rat maze, that's for sure.

Quick Look

• Date Visited:10/10/15
• Review Team: +Kitsune Hazard, +Carrie H.C. 
• Rating: Excellent
• Recommendation: If you're within 2-3 hours, just go. You NEED to experience this.
• Likes: Everything, can we just move in now?
• Dislikes: Yeah, we still haven't figure that out yet.
• Pro-Tip: You will be touched, you will have to deal with things like stairs, extremely narrow hallways, and a lot more. So, keep that in mind!
• Video Review: COMING SOON

Disclaimer: We were invited out to experience 2015's Wells Township Haunted House, and were given tickets, as well as access to some areas that others may not get to see. This, as always, is just so that we can do what we do and give you the best coverage possible.

Now then, time to get this party started!

I don't even know where to begin. I really don't, but let's start from when we got there, shall we? Brilliant was quiet as we drove through, thinking we were lost. Then, we started to see cars...everywhere. Then music blaring, fireballs erupting into the sky and a huge crowd just having a great time outside.

The Wells Township Haunted House logo loomed, videos were playing and it looked like some kind of semi-controlled haunt chaos...it's the only way to explain it that I've come up with.

Everywhere we looked, something was happening, and you could just feel the energy going on. All manner of creatures roaming the crowd, the band on the stage just killing it, and then our first objective for the night loomed before us. The Zombie Challenge.

Once past the full on zombie assault vehicle, we were escorted in to get our belts with two flags. Yep, that's right, just two hit points and you're done on this one. Soon after, we were let inside of the 5,000sqft fog and strobe light maze of death.

It's simple, yet effective, and the zombies here? Well, they're very touchy...we'll say that we made quite a few friends while inside. None of them bought us dinner either...damn zombies, always cheap.


Needless to say, we didn't survive. In fact, we didn't even stand a chance in there. Since you can't run, you're left to dodging and that really doesn't work well when you're trying to do what we do. Maybe the next time we'll have a bit better luck.

Now, time to enter the house from Willy Wonka's nightmares.

First off, tours through Wells Township Haunted House are guided affairs and you're let into the house in groups of no more than 10. Have less than that? You'll get paired up with other folks, so make friends, you'll need 'em.

Once we passed through the doorway and after we met with one very, very deranged clown and his idea of the holidays, we realized very quickly that we were in for something that was unlike anything that we've ever experienced before. Yes, that first scene is that weird...

Deeper into the haunted halls, the sounds of the outside world were but a memory, and all that lay before us was an acid trip of horror and surprises that no one could've seen coming. We must've gone up and down half a dozen set of stairs, and led into all kinds of bizarre situations as we wound our way through the dark, claustrophobic halls. Each scene, something entirely new! Some of them required our group's participation, in others we were merely the victims of happenstance, and some just the result of our own poor life choices.

There was something everywhere, the scenes packing in loads of details, innovation, and crazy scripted moments that were just so bizarre, creepy, and for many down right terrifying. Nothing was safe, and again, you have zero clue what's coming up next. Could be anything in this place and that's just awesome.

Sure, we love a good story, but sometimes ya just want to pack it all in and go nuts unleashing the nightmare fuel in every way possible. Hell, at one point Carrie and even went "That's how you do clowns!", and we weren't even halfway through yet!  

Just forget the real world, it's somewhere out there, but you won't be seeing it any time soon. The creatures, their victims, and all the other deranged denizens of this funhouse of fear that call this house of madness home, are in full control and nothing you see can be believed. A wall might not be a wall, a floor? Well, they're usually floors but watch where you sit, stand, or walk...cause you never know where you'll end up next.

There's no rhyme or reason to any of it as you move from scene to scene, and nothing makes any kind of sense. No, there's no grand story here, it's just all out madness being tossed at you in every way that you can imagine, and then going even further than your wildest nightmares. Which, as luck would have it, is just how they like it.

One of my favorite rooms, just a play on lighting. It was so simple, yet so effective, and the actress in there? Wow, she was so creepy and I'm still trying to figure out how she moved from place to place so damn fast. I don't even know, it was just that good and well executed. That's just one example though, there's so much else that I could be here for weeks.

I really can't think of enough ways to say just how much myself and Carrie absolutely loved our experience. I'm sitting here wishing that we could back through right now and just admire the insanity of it all again. The innovation and creativity behind the design crew, actors, make-up artists, audio/video folks and everything else was just unbelievable.

Not only that, but the whole outside show is insane, and can be controlled by a smartphone app, I mean, who does that?! No one. They even have WWE style entrances and shows for their signature characters as they come out onto the stage before going nuts out in the crowd.

There is nowhere safe, and when their shoestring budget zombie containment unit goes down? Well, just wait for that air raid siren...you'll see what beautiful insanity spawns from that.

What it boils down to...

To say that we've had this much fun at any other haunt would be very hard, it just doesn't happen often. It's a perfect storm and there's maybe only two or three times that we've had that level of an experience before. Through the dozens upon dozens of attractions that we've visited, reviewed, and worked in...this one, is something so very special.

From the actors staying in character 100% and keeping the intensity, the majority of them teenagers, and just the whole vibe of the place? This isn't just a haunted attraction that is simply one of the very best out there, it's something the entire community takes pride in and that oozes out of the 150+ year old walls. What this crew of all volunteers does? Just mindbendingly awesome.

Not only is the show amazing, but the technical end of it as well. They build nearly everything in house, coming up with some unique and crazy solutions to accomplish effects and elements that I've never seen anywhere else even attempt. Somehow, they pull it all off.

So, with that, I'm extremely proud to say that Wells Township Haunted House has earned the ever elusive, and oft sought after, rating of Excellent. That only scratches the surface though. Wells is one of the few places we've been to that we'd love to work in. Yes, it's that good and deliciously evil. So, to everyone at Wells Township Haunted House, I hope that it means as much to you as it does us. Thank you for letting us experience your amazing haunt this year, and truly twisted vision. Can't wait to see what you do next!



There's still a few weekends left to get to experience this one for yourself, so check out the official Wells Township Haunted House website for ticket prices, dates, hours, directions and tons of other stuff!